trying to let go of pre-race anxiety

I don’t understand why this always happens. I mean, it’s just a run, race. I have zero chance of competing with the top placers. I’m only competing with myself. And this year I really shouldn’t be concerned at all with time given that I only found out I was running the race four days ago and so had no time to train. My time will be what it will be. But still all day today I’ve felt totally exhausted and worried about the race. I think I’m still recovering from the ride out to Glendora to watch the Tour of Cal last weekend. I’ve only done three short runs this week one including a hill on Thursday just to rehearse, rather than train. No training could happen this close to the race but I figured a little taste of what a hill feels like might be helpful. I’ve been trying to eat. Not too much, not too little. I’ve been trying to hydrate but after awhile it just gets to be like where the hell is all this water going. Finally now I’m starting to feel a little calmer. There’s really nothing left to do but have a horrible night’s sleep and drag myself out of bed in the morning and go up the side of a mountain. I had a beer this evening. That helped tremendously. It (and the Chinese poetry I’ve been reading) gave me the idea to make my own Gatorade by making some cold brewed mint tea mixed with maple syrup. I tried it and it’s delicious. I filled up a bottle of it ready for tomorrow. It’s the only thing that’s quenched my thirst all day. I’m not sure if I’ll like it during the race but that’s fine. At least it’ll give me some calories and there’s a couple water stops en route. Really all I want is to be present to the mountain and route and day and run the sacred mountain path with all the other mountain freaks. Praying for a safe and speedy passage.